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Finding Courage in Thailand

Finding Courage in Thailand

My acting teacher said it was a “mid-life crisis”…

I went to Thailand because I felt stuck in a rut. I no longer knew what my passion was or how to find myself in my daily life. I wanted to challenge myself with spiritual exploration and learn a new skill, Thai yoga massage. I had never been to Southeast Asia, or anywhere so far from home. I chose to stay away for 10 weeks because I wanted to know that I could cultivate a feeling of safety and healing outside of all mycomfort zones and well-established barriers.

I went to Thailand for me.

Megan Minto, a former actor searching for truth, love and chocolate.

Megan Minto, a former actor searching for truth, love and chocolate.

I found the people of Thailand to be kind and gentle, and they often laughed at me. I’m not sure what that was about, but I think, somehow, that my “Americanness” was charming and a little confusing to them. I think they thought I was lost. A lot of the time I was. But what I discovered was that there was great joy and safety in the losing of old habits. I was perfectly capable of navigating unfamiliar places, where I did not speak the language, with safety and a peace that is often hard to find in the United States.

I am a trauma survivor of sexual assault, and often the idea of leaving the house alone at night is overwhelming. I’m afraid of being attacked. In Thailand that fear was still present, but it was greatly diminished. I realized that, yes, I can spend my life living in constant fear, or I can choose to take certain risks without obsessing over possible negative outcomes. I am the creator of my own destiny.

I had an epiphany: I can have whatever I want.

This is a beautiful and powerful realization, but it comes with a great deal of responsibility. If I can have anything at all in the world, then I have to have a really clear vision of what it is I want. I have to get to know myself very well, even the parts that I don’t like. And I have to choose something that can be shared, something that will make the world a better place.

So now that I’m home, I guess that discovering what I truly want is the next big adventure. Wish me luck!