Finding Community: Receiving Support and Comfort

By Gurudhan Khalsa

In mid-2013, I was losing things. Big things.

Like the religious and yoga community I was involved with for 40 years. My job that I had for the past 22 years. Selling my house in Los Angeles and moving with my family to Austin. Little did I know, I was soon going to lose my marriage. I was also in the process of losing my nervous system which started in 2010, resulting in PTSD which was going to last until 2018. And…I was losing contact with my soul.

The reason for losing these things was that I and the community I was involved in for so long had growing disagreements that could not be resolved. This resulted in separation and my leaving to go to Austin with my family to “start fresh”. I thought I could resolve my outer issues/problems by changing my physical location. In hindsight, I now know that never resolves anything. My inner turmoil had to be addressed before my outer issues would stabilize.

When I arrived in Austin, I kept avoiding my inner issues as I was used to living on the “surface of life”. It was not until my marriage was fast dissolving (spoiler alert – ended in divorce), my new job was not working out very well, my PTSD was accelerating rapidly, I had no community, my loneliness was increasing that finally lead me to reluctantly start therapy in early 2015.

During my therapy years, I started opening up to my therapist about my anxieties, insecurities, my losses, and my grief. Through my therapist, and for the first time in my life, I finally had someone who I could honestly express my feelings to, who was non-judgmental, insightful, and a good listener. It felt safe to open up, but also frightening to expose myself to all the pain I had blocked through the years.

Even though I started teaching yoga in Austin almost immediately upon my arrival and was involved in some community events including iACT, I had not found “my community” yet. I believe that was because I was still trying to “find myself”. My regular weekly therapy sessions ended in late 2018 with my therapist fondly saying to me: “You now know how to talk (from the heart). Go find yourself a friend who is a good listener”. Yes, I had learned how to be vulnerable. I felt I was truly getting to know the authentic “real me”. My PTSD was mostly gone. I had a job I liked very much. I did not feel lonely. My yoga classes were growing.

And, yes, I was about to find “my community” and several “good listeners”.

Dr Gabe Mate’ in his latest book, “The Myth of Normal”, states there are 2 core human needs: Connection and Authenticity. These needs are hardwired into our DNA.

Human Connection is the outer support and comfort we receive to help us go through the ups and downs of life.

Being our Authentic Self gives us the inner support and comfort we need to help us go through the ups and downs of life.

Here’s how I found community:

In early 2019, I remembered that a yoga teacher friend of mine in Los Angeles had an open invitation to her students to come to her house for dinner after her weekly Sunday night class.

She had catered food brought in to feed the more than 50 people coming to her house each Sunday night after her class. I often attended this dinner.

I decided I would do this at my house in Austin, but slightly different. My open house was once a month on a Saturday night. I called it “Meditate-Eat-Socialize”.

It was an immediate success with more than 40 people attending each month. Many friendships got started at this event and many existing friendships deepened. I also was experiencing a community where I could easily connect with others and be my authentic self. I finally felt the support and comfort I had been missing since I left Los Angeles.

“Mediate-Eat-Socialize” still continues, but not at my house as the event outgrew my home. It is now held at the yoga studio I teach at (Flowyogatx.com) once a month. Slight change of name also. Event is now called “Eat-Meditate-Socialize”.

In the significantly changing times we are all going through, having and being in community is essential to our overall well-being.

Wherever you can find community that you can connect with, go for it! Cherish and appreciate its blessings. It is a gift from the heavens.